So, I have an odd personality. I find myself to be very simple, but that view is not shared by all. I think the most difficult part of my personality is that, for whatever reason, people seem to really listen to what I say / imbue it with more weight than it deserves. Ergo, the slightest intonations from me have a ripple effect through my friends.

Example 1: I was preoccupied & disconcerted when a friend was talking with me. Said friend seemed tense, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it, so tried to be unemotional / detached / calm. In doing so, my attempt at “calm” (at which I, apparently, failed) came across as Very Angry and Judgemental. I don’t think said friend believes I wasn’t angry (I wasn’t) or judgemental (not that either).

Example 2: Someone asked a question. I answered it (with two unemotional sentences – just straight up facts). The next day, that person emailed me telling me they didn’t mean to doubt me / cast aspersions on my leadership. I replied that he most certainly hadn’t & that I wasn’t offended & asked if I hadn’t answered the question to his liking. He replied that I had answered it perfectly & he was so glad to have me in his life.

So, as far as I can tell, there are only two good conclusions. 1: I am so awesome that people see my word as authoritative & have great respect for me. This, of course, encourages my egotism & self-confidence. Or! 2: I am an egotistical jerk who people fear displeasing & they listen to me out of fear of confrontation.

I fear both of those conclusions, honestly. I am neither sage nor perfect & wish people just took me as they take everyone else – with a grain of salt.


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