Posts Tagged ‘fear’

My Mom

My mom scares the heck out of me. She lives alone in a house that’s too big for her on a lot that’s too big for her & she doesn’t really like / allow anyone else in or around there. She has aged at least a decade (or more)  in the last 5 years (especially after my grandma, her mother, died) & she cannot even walk by herself because she’s a) fallen & not gotten physical therapy, and b) is afraid of falling, so she shuffles & refuses to lift her leg to step up on a curb without assistance). She’s 66. This is unreasonable.

One of the reasons we’re looking for a new house is so that we can build a “granny flat” on it where she can live. We can make sure she walks around + isn’t lying in pain on the ground like she was today when she fell. I truly do not know what to do with someone who’s so young & acts / walks like she’s 25 years older.

I’m just so worried about her & I know she isn’t happy & her back is wrenched & I’m taking tomorrow off to help her out & this is bad all around & I want her to live forever. Ugh.



One of my greatest fears is being lost. I hate the feeling of not having a place, not knowing where I am going. I dislike being in the dark because I lose my way. I have been known to get irritable & panicked when slightly lost (thank you iPhone for your built in GPS). In a wider net, one of the reasons I believe in having service-based elements in my life (vocationally or casually) is because they help center me in my community. I feel stronger and more sure of myself when I am reaching my hand out to assist someone else.

That said, I saw this movie at The State tonight. I didn’t expect it to end as it did & sat through the credits hoping for more details (none, sadly, were forthcoming). Ultimately, it’s a story of what it’s like to feel lost & how friendship and a helping hand can make a difference – two themes that terrify and soothe me, respectively. One of the most interesting elements I found was actually not in the movie, but via a snippet of a review I read on the movie’s website after seeing the film. It was this:

“’Wendy and Lucy’ is rated R.  It has some swearing, a little drug use and a brief implication of violence, but no nudity, sex or murder. The rating seems to reflect, above all, an impulse to protect children from learning that people are lonely and that life can be hard.” – AO Scott, New York Times

I think that struck me because there was really nothing in it that was objectionable (a couple of swear words and a very mild moment of someone smoking a joint), but I wouldn’t take a kid to see it. I was so scared for her during the movie that I had to take my date’s hand and clench it. However, seriously, there was nothing objectionable. As the girl who once forgot that a Kevin Smith movie might not be appropriate for a 13-year-old (seriously just forgot about the swearing), me not finding a movie appropriate for kids takes Very Clear Cut Levels of Adult Material. That’s not present in this film, but it is so heart-wrenching that the reality is bringing tears to my eyes 90 minutes after I left the theatre. I cannot imagine one of my third graders seeing that movie and yet I wouldn’t say I advocated shielding them from reality.

Maybe it’s just that this one hits close to home?